I talk a lot about planning, organization and living a life full of intention, but here’s the truth. Life is messy and so are we. I think one of the biggest lies we’ve been sold is that there is such a thing as “having it all together“. Nobody has it all together, at least not all the time.
By now you’ve surely heard the term “work/life balance“. I hate this term. Like, I really hate this term. Even the best and brightest among us, the people we look up to, the folks who inspire us to be better, don’t have it all together. Not all the time. Because again, life is messy and so are we.
Just between you and me, I think the idea of work/life balance was created to make women feel inadequate in order to sell more self-help books. I know I’m bucking the trend by saying this, but it needs to be said – work/life balance is an illusion, and it’s an extremely dangerous one.
Believing that we can live our lives in a perpetual state of perfect balance doesn’t allow us the space to consider what is actually happening in our lives. It doesn’t leave room for priorities and imperfection. Instead, we struggle each day trying to “balance” everything around us. We strive for perfection in all the areas of our life, day in and day out, and when we inevitably fall short in one area, we berate ourselves for not being good enough. But we are good enough, it’s this idea of balance that’s screwed up.
The fact is, our lives are made up of seasons. There are seasons where our work is our top priority. There are seasons where our family requires more from us. There will be years we crush it at the gym each week and there will be years where our time is spent caring for aging parents. There will be weeks where the trains run on time and weeks where it feels like it is all falling apart. We have to be able to give ourselves grace and make sure our expectations are realistic for whatever season we’re in at the time.
Are you a new mom? You’re most likely in a season where your priority is taking care of your baby followed by taking care of yourself. Let your house be messy. Don’t beat yourself up because you’re not hitting the gym every morning. Give yourself permission to take naps or lazy strolls through the park. Maybe this isn’t the right season to start a new diet or begin volunteer work at your church. This is your life and you’re the only person who gets to set the expectations for what is possible during this season.
We are going to stumble, and struggle, and the dishes will pile up. They pile up at my house too! That’s ok, because I’m no longer trying to achieve the illusion of perfect balance. Some days I work extra hours while my husband handles dinner. Other days I’m letting the laundry sit an extra day because playing a board game with my kids is more important. The difference now is that I decide what is important, not some social media influencer or self-help guru, because it is my life.
I’m in a season now where I’m building a new business (while simultaneously running my other business), so my work is a top priority. This doesn’t mean my family isn’t also a top priority. But it does mean that I’m not going to break myself for a fundraiser or feel bad for not volunteering at the school festival. I’m still going to eat healthy, but our meals are going to be simple (and I’m going to ask for more help). I’m still going to move my body, but I’m not going to train for a marathon. Does that make sense?
What season are you in right now? What does being in this season mean for your priorities? Are you giving yourself grace to show up where you can and to let the unimportant fall away?