In the spirit of my upcoming birthday and the end of another year, I’ve been examining what I need to let go from my life, from myself, from my story. I’m listening to an audiobook by Rachel Hollis called “Girl Wash Your Face” and it has me thinking about all the ways I’m making myself small so that I can make others feel more comfortable. I’m going to share some of my inner ramblings with you. Here goes nothing.
- 1. I hold back from talking about my successes/wins with others because I don’t want to appear like I’m bragging. We’re told to be humble and to not show off. We all have wins and we all have losses, but it seems much easier to share the losses with others. I fear that if I share the wins too much others may see me as someone who doesn’t have problems, as not relatable, and they may view themselves as inferior as a result. And then they might go away, and that is terrifying.
- 2. I’ve altered the way I speak and avoided sharing in conversations and even pretended to take longer on tests, all in an effort to appear less intelligent. When I was a child I was told that I had made someone else feel dumb, because I knew a lot about some topic we had talked about (it probably had something to do with animals or science), and that I should be more considerate of their feelings in the future. I still carry this with me.
- 3. Unless I’m with very trusted friends and family I avoid deeper topics like religion, sex, relationships, feelings, money, and on and on. Almost 40 years on this magical planet and I’ve learned that people are much more comfortable talking about the latest cable news sound bite, what team played the best, and what Netflix show they’re binge-watching this week. All great things to talk about… but all small and safe.
- 4. I use limiting vocabulary when I talk about my business. I say phrases like, “Oh, what do I do? I just sell stuff on the internet.“
- 5. I have avoided talking about my own feelings in an effort to save the feelings of others.
- 6. I’ve limited my dreams. Big dreams alienate you from others. Sharing big dreams also has a strange effect on people. When you start sharing your big dreams with people, many will seem compelled to tell you all the reasons your dreams won’t work. That those dreams are just too big. They’ll use words like “unrealistic” or say that those dreams are for other people, not people like you. It is safer to keep your dreams small. Small dreams get support. Big dreams get doubts.
In the words of Rachel Hollis, “I cannot continue to live as half of myself simply because it’s hard for others to handle all of me.”
Let’s stop making ourselves small in order to make others feel more comfortable. Dream big and live life as your whole, unapologetic self.